grieving the future

there's justifiably a lot of joy and hope to be had in these times. but even if ur not a "doomer", even if u have no fear of total destruction, there is a monumental impending loss. these are the very last few years we have to *do* or *achieve* anything in a way that matters

my sister will never become a licensed principal architect with her own firm. by the time she gets there architects will not exist. her years of education and work and her love of the job and desire to create will be obsolete. architecture may persist as a hobby, but nothing real

i think i always thought in retirement i would spend free time contributing to open source. maybe i still will, but it won't be the open source that exists today. there will be no sense in which human software can usefully solve problems for others. it will always be just a game.

we spend time now debating about the best ways to raise children for chances at success, with dreams of becoming scientists. by the time our children are born we will have little useful to teach them. there will be no research they can participate in. no schools humans teach.

my mom has started writing novels. she's written two so far, short but complete. she hasn't tried to get any of them published yet. by the time she gets to that point, there's no way any meaningful amount of humans will ever be interested in her voice over that of the machines.

if we live, we'll live in an age where our struggles mean nothing. an age of games. an age where all the complexities and pain of the world are sanded smooth.

i can't pretend for one second that this isn't worth it, that we should accept the horrors and pain of our current world for a chance at "self determination". or that there aren't ways to make games meaningful.

still. i have to mourn what will be lost.

i have two, maybe three years left to achieve anything of my own. the last chance any human has to do so. it doesn't feel like enough.