the only way for a relationship to work is if u have good mutual conflict de-escalation. conflicts will inevitably arise, and if the response to conflict is more conflict then the relationship is doomed. one person de-escalating can work for a while, but this leads to a grinding imbalance. conflicts they initiate turn back on them due to their partner viewing conflicts as a reason for escalation, and they find themselves always de-escalating situations where they feel they are in fact the wronged party.

it's never going to be perfect , things always spiral sometimes, but basically u must *both* honestly and tangibly feel that the peaceful resolution of all conflict *is* ur responsibility.

this is a special case of the phrase "not 50/50, but 100/100", which while trite is one of my favorite pieces of relationship advice. things work best when instead of keeping score u both happily give 100%, even when it's carrying ur partner, and know they will do the same