engineers based on which bigtech they started at after college

- google: spoiled trust fund kid, assume they're always gonna be comfortable get what they want, shocked when their next job doesn't have its own seamlessly infinitely scaling database or free lunch
- apple: asian tiger mom kid, drilled into them hard that they have to do whatever it takes to make daddy cook happy, refuses to answer due to security concerns when u ask what they've been working on at standup
- amazon: abused kid. flinches every time u leave a comment on their pr as if it could mean they're next to get stack ranked and pip'd. face lights up with joy when they find out they get fed on fridays and only have to work 55 hour weeks
- microsoft: weirdly religious kid. doesn't get anyone else's references or tech, lived in a strange little bubble and is still the only eng on the team who's trying to get ur docker running on wsl2. they're used to poverty but more in a self flagellation purity type of way than because there really isn't any money
- facebook: crazy drug dealer hustler kid, mf who keeps trying to get his coworkers fired for only submitting 6 prs in a week and has a side business making ai generated insta reels for children