it feels stupidly obvious in retrospect, but i am coming to realize the degree to which i am preoccupied by what it means to be a good person and actually trying to be a good person is in fact quite unusual.

not that i actually am all that good of a person. but i do try. u gotta be moving in the right direction.

obviously the backdrop of rats and effective altruists is extremely skewed, but i think somehow i had an unspoken assumption that everyone else was just not thinking very hard about the *effective* part.

turns out for a lot people, whether or not they're a good person is more on the level of whether they're a good piano player. like sure, nice to have, but hardly central, hardly something to worry too much over, hardly *obviously important*

fuck maybe next i'll find out not all problems are coordination problems...